“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and
look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
-Ferris Bueller, c. 1986
Be present and have a plan for the actual college move-in process; if you don’t, life moves pretty fast…
You can find Part I of this article here.
1. Practical Prep
- Pack a Tool Kit: Bring a set of Allen wrenches, two screwdrivers (or a cordless drill), and a rubber mallet. You will instantly earn the gratitude of the entire floor when neighboring families need to adjust lofted beds or assemble furniture.
- First Aid Kit: Put a first aid kit in the supplies (something very basic like this one from Amazon). Make that first aid kit the last thing you put in the car and the first thing you take out.
- Be Cool when meeting roommates: When you meet a new roommate, project calm and warmth, try to be cool (you likely will fail). Ask polite questions about their background—avoiding intense inquiries regarding their major or academic goals—and treat every young person as an adult. Shake hands, learn names, and thank the residence hall staff.
- Keep it Positive: Avoid negative talk about the move-in process or other people. Accentuate the positive, flip the script, ask questions, but do not engage in any naysaying or negative talk about the place, people, or the experience – unless you are willing to actually take prolonged action to engage in discussions with administration and others to fix the situation for the next people/group/roommate, etc.
- Feed the Troops: Make sure you know how and when you’ll feed yourself and your group while the move-in takes place. If you need reservations, get them! If you’re ordering take-out in a college town on move-in days, order when the place opens so it’s ready at a specific later time. Be flexible and compassionate about hunger and sugar spikes and crashes of others.
2. Managing Family Dynamics
Remember this is a transition for the entire family, not just the departing student.
- Include Siblings: Pay special attention to younger children in the family. Make sure they enjoy dedicated, one-on-one time with their departing sibling before you all leave home (make another memory with them and their sib if appropriate) —suggest a walk around your block, have the departing sibling ask questions of the younger child, encourage a quick card game, or an ice cream run.
- Support Your Partner: Recognize that this day affects partners in profound, unpredictable ways. Exercise patience, offer support, and find quiet moments to embrace your partner, thank them, and honor their vital role in your child’s life. If you no longer share a life with your child’s co-parent, act with grace, remember to highlight the positive about that person, and thank them for their role if you see them or feel comfortable texting them. If that parent has passed away, speak fondly of them to your student, recalling their intellectual interests or academic pursuits.
- Maintain a Positive Atmosphere: Share jokes, play good music during the drive, and present the most grounded, encouraging version of yourself.
3. Guidelines for Parental Conduct
This weekend often reflects parental anxiety. Protect your student by keeping the focus entirely on their transition.
- Avoid Self-Centered Stories: Refrain from sharing unsolicited stories about your own college years unless your student explicitly asks. Your presence on campus should focus entirely on their experience. If you catch yourself sharing personal anecdotes, pause, redirect the conversation, and express pride in their accomplishments—or apologize, acknowledge your heightened emotions, and explain that excitement for their future can trigger nostalgic rambling.
- Limit Goodbyes: State that you will miss them only once. Avoid creating the impression that your well-being or household completeness depends on their presence. Missing your child remains completely natural, but again, the day is not about you.
- Abandon Career Obsessions: Resist the urge to fixate on job outcomes during move-in weekend. Encourage your student to remain open to novel experiences, unexplored disciplines, and unexpected directions. College is an intellectual and personal unfolding, not just job training.
4. The Farewell Ritual
Traditions can make it easier for all of you to say goodbye.
- Establish a Farewell Location: Select a specific, memorable campus spot for your official goodbye. Establish a firm rule to part ways at that precise location—regardless of heat, cold, or rain. Dedicate an extra hour to remain fully present in that space, execute a brief, meaningful ritual, and maintain that tradition during future visits.
- Take Mental Snapshots: Avoid viewing the entire day through a smartphone camera. Take a few select digital photos, then dedicate the rest of the time to mental snapshots. Study your child’s face, absorb the surrounding landscape, and store those memories deep within.
- Depart in Peace: Drive away confident that your investment extends far beyond move-in day—you spent a lifetime building the foundation supporting them right now. They will thrive.
- Pray: Pray for your child, pray for your family, pray for other students navigating this milestone, and pray for peace in our world.
Have a plan for the trip back home for yourself or your group. If you’re alone, call an old friend from your own educational past just to chat. If you’re with family or friends, take turns asking each other about your hopes for your own educational future. Ask them about things they want to learn more about, or books they hope to read, or film or art they’ve enjoyed and want to learn more about as they continue to grow as students of life and the world.
Lots of love to all of those family members, friends, and family who do not get to participate in a drop-off ritual. To you, I say, send a heartfelt piece of physical mail during the first week or a digital credit for a coffee or treat that notes you’re wishing them luck.
© 2026 Brian S Collier. All opinions are those of the author. The author reserves All Rights and Copyrights. To request permission to reprint any or all of this article, contact the author.
This story previously appeared on the author’s Substack account https://substack.com/@cowborian
Reprinted with permission of the author.
